Success or Madness

(Originally posted, June 23, 2012)

Either I am thinking too much or too little. All I know is that my hair is thinning as a result of running my fingers through it way too frequently while I am brainstorming to fill in gaps of the over all picture. Specifically I am referring to my book, although as I write this I think it somewhat applies to my real life as well.
In addition to a huge map I keep in my kitchen and a couple posterboards covered with spider webs and brainstorming which I’ve assembled and then disected and reassembled over the years, my laptop now is literally covered with sticky notes and I keep adding to them. This does not include all the notebooks I’ve used or the notepads or small leatherbound book I carry everywhere. (I’ve been actively brainstorming and making notes for a lot of years.) Yet there is that longing for me to release this story that has been brewing inside of me for so long. It feels like an ocean storm taunting the beholder for so long that there’s no telling when the storm will finally break from the rolling clouds above.
Some writers might think that it’s pathetic that it has taken so long for me to get this story out. Not so, as I am a full time mother first and everything else has to take a back seat to my family’s life. I am happy that my family is first priority to everything in my life. For many personal reasons, I had my story on the back burner for so long. Too long. Over a year. And I can’t hold it anymore. I want to get it out so that it doesn’t take up so much room in my thoughts anymore. So that while I am enjoying quality time with my little ones, I can actually take it in 100% without my story pulling at my subconscious. I find myself sneaking away more and more often lately to hide in my room and write. I’m grateful my husband believes in me so much. If not for him I would have almost given it all up a long time ago. (I tried a few times, but the characters inside my head would not allow it either. They and my sweet husband must be in cahoots to either drive me to success or madness.)

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