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Optimism does not equal Strength

Last night (this morning) I didn’t go to bed until about 4am. I have been struggling with severe calcium deficiency off and on for a whole week. Symptoms got so bad that I finally decided to do as counseled and go to the ER to get my blood checked and to hopefully get an IV. Instead, I was so badly treated by the worst “nurse” I have ever encountered in my life. And the experience only went downhill from there. It is difficult to go into specifics right now because I am still so traumatized. Incompetence was the theme of the morning. I actually threw up and nearly fainted. Then 4 more stabbings by two other people and 3 burst veins later, I went home. No blood work. No IV. Absolute nightmare. I will never go back to that place again.
My heart hurts emotionally. My body hurts physically. The layers of optimism I have so carefully cocooned around myself for protection were viciously, humiliatingly stripped from me and I reached the all time low point where Cancer shown its hideous face at me and gnashed its teeth, wishing it could break me.
In the car I cried. So much.  I have not felt so poorly in a very long time and then the abominable treatment I received last night made me want so badly to throw in the towel and run away from this life and just pretend that all of the bad dreams would go away.
I’m not feeling my best today. The dam has burst and tears are going to be present for a while. It is amazing how optimistic my last post was and how quickly it was broken in a matter of hours by one truly ugly soul. 
Today is now about summoning the true strength which is untarnished by ugly souls, judgemental people, negative influences and more.

I’m borrowing that strength from my husband today. I was optimism. He is strength.

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4 thoughts on “Optimism does not equal Strength

  1. This is a verse I found for you xx. There will be days you feel like giving up, but don’t. There will be days when you just don’t feel like you have what it takes, but you do. There will be days when you feel like everything is falling apart, but it won’t. You must know that things will work out for the good, and there will be days that you look back and say I am glad I never gave up!! … Take time for you, take care xx

  2. I think that I am going to print that and hang it somewhere as a daily reminder for a while, or maybe in my journal. Thank you. ❤

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